Irrational Fear…

I think I have a problem with letting go of people. To some, this may come out as a shocking thing, especially because I easily push people away. However, I’m actually talking about, my past. I’m sure that, everyone makes new friends along the road, but at some point, something just happens to separate them. Usually, people move on with their life, but not me. I don’t really know what or why I’m writing. All I know is that, if we were friends once upon a time, and you had to move, and somehow we didn’t stay in touch…

You should know that there were days were I just sat there, and wondered how you were doing, whether you changed as a person, if you still had the same annoying habits, whether you still dress, talk, walk, and drink the same.

At some very rare occasions, I would try to find you on every social networking site that I ever used. And when I find you, I would re-read all our conversations. Sometimes I would message you. Hoping that you’d still remember me. All the memories and conversations that we had. Whether you still have that jacket, teddy, book, bracelet, or necklace that I once gave you.

But let’s all snap back to reality for just a second. I somewhat, refuse to let people be just a part of my history. I think I have a problem with letting go of people that once had an impact on me. Whether it be positive or negative. I fear that, once I let go of people that I knew once, that I knew SO well, that I’d lose them forever. Which should’ve happened years ago. Or maybe, it’s just that I’m never satisfied with just ‘memories’. Maybe I don’t want JUST the memories. Maybe I want the people in the memories too. I think this is too hard to ask for. Might as well give up. Mehh, I don’t know. I don’t tell this to many people but I still wonder about my Kindergarten best friend called ‘Noora’. Is this creepy? Ok. I think I should stop rambling. But anyways, I needed to get somethings off my chest. What better way that to post it on my blog, right? Hahahaha!

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24/9

If I were to know,
What then –  I knew not.
I could have saved myself.
But I’m ever drowning in my sorrow.
The ache you left behind.
I clench on to it ever so tightly.
For it is all that reminds me of you now.
Besides the lethal memories,
that I dare not share out loud.
I dare not expose – the darkest part of me,
for it took me no further with you.
My love, why have you forsaken me?
You shunned me to the darkest place.
Darker than the depth of oceans.
Darker than the graves.
But I hold on to you,
ever so tightly.

For you’re, my only light of day.

Off goes 2012, In comes 2♡13 ~

I know, I’m kinda late on my New Year’s post, and that’s because I wasn’t home at NYE. So excuse my lack of posts, but I will be posting lots soon (Europe trip, etc.)!

So it’s January again, and am not really big on New Year’s Resolutions and stuff, becuase I never stick to them anyways! So why plan any?! However, this year, I will set up easy little baby plans to follow (which I will post at the end), but for now? I’d like to thank all my friends, my classmates, my family, my loved ones, and the people who did me wrong too. Without my friends and classmates, I wouldn’t have had the fun times that I cherish at this moment. Without my family, I wouldn’t have had the support and love I have now. Without my loved ones, I wouldn’t have the courage to accept my flaws. Without the people who did me wrong, I wouldn’t have learned a lot of valuable lessons and most definitely, I wouldn’t have known how to set my priorities right!

2012 was a year, that I don’t think I would ever want to repeat again. Even though the good memories are plenty, I’m sorry to say that the bad experiences over-shadows them. I think that, what happened in 2012, stays in 2012, and I’m not allow myself to feel bad about anything that happened this last year. But I also believe that, I shouldn’t be thankful for all the blessings, ups, downs, new friends,  shared moments, and the talented people I’ve got to discover and see their work. So, my highlights for the past year were:

  • Meeting the famous actor ‘Hamad ElOmany’ ‘حمد العماني’. Which was actually some what awkward. But it was fun because I had my best friend with me! (Shout out to Mariam!)
  • Discovering my love for poetry and literature.
  • Meeting some of the most closest people to my heart! (Shout out to Fay!)
  • Starting a blog? Definitely.
  • Eating my first beef burger since 6 years? I just had to try Shake Shack! Hahahaha
  • Having my first ever professional facial! (Thanks sis ‘A’)!
  • Getting my Mac Book!
  • Subscribing to a monthly beauty box!
  • All the fun trips ( Only my close friends will know this!)
  • Visiting Hitler’s Camp in Dachau.
  • 24/9/2012, Monday.
  • Losing close people that were close to my heart.

However, on the bright side, my goals are:

  • Make new memories.
  • Try to exercise for 20 minutes each day.
  • Try to keep up with my school work.
  • Put myself before others.
  • Get a second ear piercing. 😦
  • Read more books.
  • Go back to doing yoga.
  • And last but not least, enjoy every moment that comes along, and to learn every lesson 2013 has to offer.

Let’s hope I stick to these. It’s really simple Shamma. You can do it.

Love Always,

Shamma x.