Irrational Fear…

I think I have a problem with letting go of people. To some, this may come out as a shocking thing, especially because I easily push people away. However, I’m actually talking about, my past. I’m sure that, everyone makes new friends along the road, but at some point, something just happens to separate them. Usually, people move on with their life, but not me. I don’t really know what or why I’m writing. All I know is that, if we were friends once upon a time, and you had to move, and somehow we didn’t stay in touch…

You should know that there were days were I just sat there, and wondered how you were doing, whether you changed as a person, if you still had the same annoying habits, whether you still dress, talk, walk, and drink the same.

At some very rare occasions, I would try to find you on every social networking site that I ever used. And when I find you, I would re-read all our conversations. Sometimes I would┬ámessage you. Hoping that you’d still remember me. All the memories and conversations that we had. Whether you still have that jacket, teddy, book, bracelet, or necklace that I once gave you.

But let’s all snap back to reality for just a second. I somewhat, refuse to let people be just a part of my history. I think I have a problem with letting go of people that once had an impact on me. Whether it be positive or negative. I fear that, once I let go of people that I knew once, that I knew SO well, that I’d lose them forever. Which should’ve happened years ago. Or maybe, it’s just that I’m never satisfied with just ‘memories’. Maybe I don’t want JUST the memories. Maybe I want the people in the memories too. I think this is too hard to ask for. Might as well give up. Mehh, I don’t know. I don’t tell this to many people but I still wonder about my Kindergarten best friend called ‘Noora’. Is this creepy? Ok. I think I should stop rambling. But anyways, I needed to get somethings off my chest. What better way that to post it on my blog, right? Hahahaha!

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