Irrational Fear…

I think I have a problem with letting go of people. To some, this may come out as a shocking thing, especially because I easily push people away. However, I’m actually talking about, my past. I’m sure that, everyone makes new friends along the road, but at some point, something just happens to separate them. Usually, people move on with their life, but not me. I don’t really know what or why I’m writing. All I know is that, if we were friends once upon a time, and you had to move, and somehow we didn’t stay in touch…

You should know that there were days were I just sat there, and wondered how you were doing, whether you changed as a person, if you still had the same annoying habits, whether you still dress, talk, walk, and drink the same.

At some very rare occasions, I would try to find you on every social networking site that I ever used. And when I find you, I would re-read all our conversations. Sometimes I would message you. Hoping that you’d still remember me. All the memories and conversations that we had. Whether you still have that jacket, teddy, book, bracelet, or necklace that I once gave you.

But let’s all snap back to reality for just a second. I somewhat, refuse to let people be just a part of my history. I think I have a problem with letting go of people that once had an impact on me. Whether it be positive or negative. I fear that, once I let go of people that I knew once, that I knew SO well, that I’d lose them forever. Which should’ve happened years ago. Or maybe, it’s just that I’m never satisfied with just ‘memories’. Maybe I don’t want JUST the memories. Maybe I want the people in the memories too. I think this is too hard to ask for. Might as well give up. Mehh, I don’t know. I don’t tell this to many people but I still wonder about my Kindergarten best friend called ‘Noora’. Is this creepy? Ok. I think I should stop rambling. But anyways, I needed to get somethings off my chest. What better way that to post it on my blog, right? Hahahaha!

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The 5 Friends that You Really Need ~

I look at some people, and I see that they have TONS of friends, while some have a few close ones. I happen to fall under the latter. It’s not really important to actually have TONS of friends, that I’ve learnt through my experiences. It’s making sure you are surrounded with the people who are the nearest to your heart. I personally think that I need a few of ‘good quality’ friends, (whatever that means, right?) But, really. Here are five types of friends I think are essential to have in every person’s life.

  1. The Mentor. Usually it’s a person who’s older, could be your sister, brother, mother, father, a person in school, etc. Find someone you could always run to when things get tough, obviously because they’re more experienced than you are.
  2. The confidant. Obviously, a person you trust. Whether you trust with an advice regarding how your butt looks in a pair of pants, hahaha, or a truthful opinion about something personal, it’s always good to have a person you can trust. They’re VERY hard to come by, but once you do find one, hold on to them even when things get tough!
  3. The banter buddy. You’re a chatterbox who would make any Gossip Girl fan proud and you need a gossip outlet. So who’s the Serena to your Blair? You know that you can’t call just ANY friend and talk for hours. So embrace the women who considers endless hours of chatting as one of life’s greatest luxuries, and find someone who shares the same gift as you do!
  4. The play pal. Seek a person that is always up for something spontaneous and is willing to make time. Whether it’s the gym, the pool, a walk, lunch, or maybe just manis and pedis.
  5. The protégé. Look around you: do you have a friend that is younger than you? If you do, then you’ve found your ‘protégé’! It’s always good to have a person that has the ability to surprise you with her/his insight into life.

BUT IF YOU’VE FOUND A FRIEND THAT FALLS UNDER EVERY CATEGORY (LIKE I DID), THEN ITHINK YOU’VE FOUND YOUR SOULMATE.

So I dedicate this post to my friends, I love you guys to pluto and back. No matter how far or how long we’ve been apart, as long as we both remember… We’re still connected! x

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[Disclaimer: Since I don’t have the permission of my friends to post this picture, I blurred out the faces. So YAY for ghost face! AND group hugs! Hahahaha]

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24/9

If I were to know,
What then –  I knew not.
I could have saved myself.
But I’m ever drowning in my sorrow.
The ache you left behind.
I clench on to it ever so tightly.
For it is all that reminds me of you now.
Besides the lethal memories,
that I dare not share out loud.
I dare not expose – the darkest part of me,
for it took me no further with you.
My love, why have you forsaken me?
You shunned me to the darkest place.
Darker than the depth of oceans.
Darker than the graves.
But I hold on to you,
ever so tightly.

For you’re, my only light of day.

Off goes 2012, In comes 2♡13 ~

I know, I’m kinda late on my New Year’s post, and that’s because I wasn’t home at NYE. So excuse my lack of posts, but I will be posting lots soon (Europe trip, etc.)!

So it’s January again, and am not really big on New Year’s Resolutions and stuff, becuase I never stick to them anyways! So why plan any?! However, this year, I will set up easy little baby plans to follow (which I will post at the end), but for now? I’d like to thank all my friends, my classmates, my family, my loved ones, and the people who did me wrong too. Without my friends and classmates, I wouldn’t have had the fun times that I cherish at this moment. Without my family, I wouldn’t have had the support and love I have now. Without my loved ones, I wouldn’t have the courage to accept my flaws. Without the people who did me wrong, I wouldn’t have learned a lot of valuable lessons and most definitely, I wouldn’t have known how to set my priorities right!

2012 was a year, that I don’t think I would ever want to repeat again. Even though the good memories are plenty, I’m sorry to say that the bad experiences over-shadows them. I think that, what happened in 2012, stays in 2012, and I’m not allow myself to feel bad about anything that happened this last year. But I also believe that, I shouldn’t be thankful for all the blessings, ups, downs, new friends,  shared moments, and the talented people I’ve got to discover and see their work. So, my highlights for the past year were:

  • Meeting the famous actor ‘Hamad ElOmany’ ‘حمد العماني’. Which was actually some what awkward. But it was fun because I had my best friend with me! (Shout out to Mariam!)
  • Discovering my love for poetry and literature.
  • Meeting some of the most closest people to my heart! (Shout out to Fay!)
  • Starting a blog? Definitely.
  • Eating my first beef burger since 6 years? I just had to try Shake Shack! Hahahaha
  • Having my first ever professional facial! (Thanks sis ‘A’)!
  • Getting my Mac Book!
  • Subscribing to a monthly beauty box!
  • All the fun trips ( Only my close friends will know this!)
  • Visiting Hitler’s Camp in Dachau.
  • 24/9/2012, Monday.
  • Losing close people that were close to my heart.

However, on the bright side, my goals are:

  • Make new memories.
  • Try to exercise for 20 minutes each day.
  • Try to keep up with my school work.
  • Put myself before others.
  • Get a second ear piercing. 😦
  • Read more books.
  • Go back to doing yoga.
  • And last but not least, enjoy every moment that comes along, and to learn every lesson 2013 has to offer.

Let’s hope I stick to these. It’s really simple Shamma. You can do it.

Love Always,

Shamma x.

Deception is a wonderful trait…

I’ve had enough of your deception. I’ve had enough of your half-truth, and I’m certainly done with you. Walk away, but be sure to know that this time, it’s not going to be in your favour. You are one hell of a joke. You look me in the eye and say that ‘you mean no harm’, but deep down, harm is all you’re intended on.

Well listen up sweetheart, you are so full of yourself. Thinking you could get away with all things you’ve done? You need a reality check because, if being completely self-centred is what makes you happy, you must be ecstatic these days!

But you should know that the old me? She’s dead and gone. I realised people with big hearts can’t survive in this society. I’ve spent days, convinced that I’m over-analysing things. But guess what? I finally know who to blame. Image

Weeks’ Recap!

It’s finally Thursday! It’s finally the weekend, even though I’ll have to spend it studying Biology for my Bio exam on Sunday, but I finally get a chance to breathe and let’s not forget update my blog. It’s been a tedious week. I’ve had exams throughout the week. Not even a day free! But on the bright side, I finished most of my tests! So, it’s 5 down 8 more to go! Haven’t done anything special this particular week but I’ve managed to click some pictures!

Seriously though, how cute is it?

Seriously though, how cute is it?

A few days ago it was raining, and I was soooo determined to capture a lightening bolt with my iPhone 4s! And It was successful! WOOT.

A few days ago it was raining, and I was soooo determined to capture a lightening bolt with my iPhone 4s! And It was successful! WOOT.

CAMP FIRE!!

CAMP FIRE!!

This was the desert set up. Yes, I purposely blurred it so I can still maintain people's privacy.

This was the desert set up. Yes, I purposely blurred it so I can still maintain people’s privacy.

I was studying arabic poetry and found lines that I love! It basically means that 'Wait on your enemy's conspiracy, for your patience will be his death.' 'Fire consumes itself if it doesn't find something to consume.'

I was studying arabic poetry and found lines that I love! It basically means that ‘Wait on your enemy’s conspiracy, for your patience will be his death.’ ‘Fire consumes itself if it doesn’t find something to consume.’

It rained so hard the past few days, and it was like the weather was screaming coffee and a good book! Instead I satisfied my wishes by making me some homemade french vanilla!

It rained so hard the past few days, and it was like the weather was screaming coffee and a good book! Instead I satisfied my wishes by making me some homemade french vanilla!

I had to take a break while studying arabic to admire this amazing hoodie weather!

I had to take a break while studying arabic to admire this amazing hoodie weather!

This was literally all that I had to do in 4 hours! Now most of you wouldn't understand how difficult that was, but I know O'Levelers do!

This was literally all that I had to do in 4 hours! Now most of you wouldn’t understand how difficult that was, but I know O’Levelers do!

While we were in the desert, we had a few drinks. In this picture I had a Berry Freeze, my sister 'A' had a Vimto (Don't even ask) and my sister-in-law 'Z' had a Canada Dry!

While we were in the desert, we had a few drinks. In this picture I had a Berry Freeze, my sister ‘A’ had a Vimto (Don’t even ask) and my sister-in-law ‘Z’ had a Canada Dry!

Nothing beats an opportunity to get all glammed up!

It’s soooo good to be back at home finally, after a long weekend! This weekend has sure been eventful! I skipped school on Thursday for a good ass sleep, and boy do I NOT regret it. Besides, who could’ve blamed me?! I was practically on zombie mode all through out the week! I woke up at 12pm, showered, had breakfast or shall I say brunch? Then checked my instagram and tumblr! Then I packed for a weekend in Dubai! Had lunch with the family, and off I went to the city of life!

Once I reached there, we met up with my sister ‘F’ and my two twin nephews (love them to death) in dubai mall. Had a good ass shopping spree with the sisters, and when I say good I actually mean, REALLLY GOOD!

As far as I remember we haven’t ever had the chance to go shopping ALL TOGETHER! Let me tell you how shopping with sister, is bad for your wallet. I went to Dubai for buying essential winter pieces, but ended up with everything I liked in sight. Yeah. I know.

Woke up the next day, and had a family breakfast, and headed to MCC (Mirdif City Centre) for another shopping spree. I don’t think I should even call it ‘Shopping Spree’, I like to think of it as ‘Retail Therapy’. Hahahaha

Once the shopping was done, we had a family lunch at PF Chang’s along with my brother-in-law. One of my favourite, favourite chinese restaurants! (If you haven’t try it, then you should. I’m serious. Do it. Like as soon as you can.)

Then I headed back home, and arrived at 5pm! Had to go to my cousin’s engagement party at 8pm. So I rushed to get dressed and ready for it. But the results were, magnificent!

I don’t know why, but big parties always make me feel obnoxious, and paranoid. Old ladies stare, girls do too, awkward smiles, mom making me say hi to relatives I barely know, fighting the urge to dance, worrying that my lipstick doesn’t come on my teeth, ladies with a mask for a face, that’s all part of the package, but nothing beats an opportunity to get all glammed up.

I wore a black dress with a soft up-do, some neutral but defined eyes and maroon red for my lips, don’t forget the false lashes! I styled it with a black with old accents clutch and some nice gold heels for that extra height (that I apparently need)!

Yesterday was glamorous, wish I could say the same about today. I went to math tuition only find out that I have a math test tomorrow. Like, WHAT EVEN ON EARTH IS THIS? Let me tell you what kind of day tomorrow is. It’s a lazy-hectic-can-I-stay-at-home-and-be-a-house-wife-forever-and-take-care-of-the-kids-and-the-house-kind of day. I have 6 math periods, a total of 3.6 hours of math, with 2 breaks in between. I mean, ugh. Followed by a vaccination against Tetanus and some other thing (Which I don’t remember). I gotta brace myself.

Good night x